![]() It’s the opposite of MISSION TO MARS: the best stuff is in space.īut it’s striking that the movie has neither a beginning - we start at the end of a battle we haven’t seen (was it in RAGNAROK?) and end with the bad guy triumphant (well, more like quietly contented, because Brolin is underplaying). This one is more enjoyable because there is a variety to the action, it’s not all smashing property and a lot of it is in space. Very obviously, a lot of innocent bystanders would have to have been killed, but the movie airbrushes this aside. To make his acting to scale, Dinklage overdoes his Game of Thrones English accent by 4000%.ĬIVIL WAR bored me because it was mostly about heroes smashing stuff up, in a meaningless fight in which you knew they wouldn’t kill each other. Oh, other amusing things: Peter Dinklage plays a twenty-foot tall dwarf (Thor, who is slightly shorter than twenty feet, call him a dwarf). Probably a good thing I didn’t go into comics. Gee, I’m getting tired of writing about characters called Scarlet Witch and Starlord. ![]() The movies ought to have tweaked his appearance slightly, or differently.) (As a character in comics, Thanos doesn’t look ridiculous at all, or at least no more ridiculous than his surroundings. A real triumph of acting and mocap and animation etc, over character design. Josh Brolin underplaying a behemoth with a giant purple chin with grooves in it like he tried to carve it into a beard, with a ridiculous masterplan, is actually really compelling as a character. Many people have pointed out how silly his plan is (he could, just for example, sterilize 90% of everybody, or, with his godlike powers, he could maybe rustle up some more resources. This struck me as implausible - a few bellowing drunkards would have added a welcome touch of realism - and it gives the lie to Thanos’s (big purple chin) claim that the galaxy, or was it the universe, is running out of resources and so the ONLY POSSIBLE SOLUTION is to disintegrate half of everybody alive. Nebula (Karen Gillen) is basically the only Scot in the film, since the version of late-night Edinburgh we get is completely unpopulated. The musclebound characters don’t sem quite human to me, so the sexiest people from my viewpoint were probably the lithe Vision and Nebula, a robot and an alien cyborg, respectively. Other than that, the only hint of lasciviousness comes from the tight costumes. There’s a sweet, non-threatening romance between Scarlet Witch and Vision, which is the Edinburgh bit, and Gwyneth Paltrow does a walk-on for some interrupted wooing with Downey Jr. But there are no actual gay, bi or trans people in this movie, and no real sex, either. Dave Bautista as Drax homoerotically rhapsodising over Thor’s muscles is amusing. Thor and Starlord’s banter plays out the same way, except Starlord is obviously plagued by feels of inadequacy. Strange and Iron Man - two alpha male jerks - turn into dick-measuring contests. He sounds a bit like the teenage clerk in The Simpsons.Īs you might predict, encounters between the very similar Dr. Emphasising that Peter Parker’s a teenager makes Tom Holland stand out. ![]() They can’t find a convincing way to write such a character and Mark Ruffalo, so effective and immediately right in the role in the first AVENGERS, seems a little uncomfortable with the sillier stuff, but his embarrassment at the big green guy’s sudden shyness is very funny.Īlongside the third-generation Hulk is the third-generation Spiderman, who’s quite good. ![]() ![]() This post is going to be full of spoilers, by the way.īruce Banner is suffering from a kind of erectile dysfunction: he can’t hulk out, which means he’s basically a scientist in this film. Of the Avengers, Hawkeye is absent, and Black Widow and War Machine and Falcon don’t really get anything memorable to do. And yet I never saw (so far) THOR: RAGNAROK, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY II or BLACK PANTHER so I’m not yet a hopeless case, even though those three are probably better than CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR which I *did* see.Ĭertainly the Guardians provide the most solid entertainment of all the army of supes on display here. Yes, I was lured into seeing AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR by the promise of seeing Edinburgh onscreen, a mild enthusiasm for the Russo Bros, and a mild investment in these superheroes. How about a Cronenberg superhero team? Brundlefly, Mugwump, Revok and Rose from RABID, led by Dr. ![]()
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